If yes, then you probably should have been onto a crowded JR train. Or, you might have seen one of these photos(above), which showed how crowded JR train can be in traffic hours.
Luckily, this only happens in traffic hours. In addition, the train door opens very rapidly, which kind of helped the circulation of air in the train.
However, back in the African slave trade times, they were not as lucky as these hardworking Japanese. In fact, these Japanese volunteered to take the train, while some Africans were kidnapped to their transportation tool. Africans were transported from Africa to America as cargos, or commodities, while the Japanese were just saving time and rushing to their work place. Although Japanese were transported with almost the same amount of space as the Africans, Japanese did not need to stay in the same amount of space as long as the 2 to 3 weeks. When Japanese only needed to travel 20-30 minutes in the train, Africans needed to stay in their slave ships for 2 to 3 weeks. JR line trains all have a very nice condition, while the Africans had to stay in the basement of the ship, along with tubes that hold human waste, poor air circulation, and diseases spreading throughout the entire ship.(4)
According to House of Commons committee, which in 1788 that discovered one slave-ship, The Brookes was originally designed for up to 451 people, however, for expenses consideration, the captian carried over 600 Africans on the ship to America.(3) In order to have greater profit out of the trade, sailors must think of ways to decrease the expenses. However, some decided to use another packing method called "loose packing to deliver slaves". This method is to pack less Africans on the boat, in order to decrease diseases spread and death rate on the ship.(1) It was said that all Africans on the ship was only allowed to take up about seven feet square of spaces on the ship.(2)
Going to the bathroom was not an easy work on the ship for the Africans as well. They were usually provided a few amour of buckets to hold their waste, but some were too far from the bucket. Instead of reaching the bucket, they would just go wherever they had to. (1)
Food and water were provided like the method they used for packing the slaves. Food and water were both very expensive. Some wanted to reduced the cost of food, resulted in more death of slaves. Some wanted to keep as many healthy slaves as possible by giving good amount of food, in order to be pay back by the income of trade.(1)
Sources:
1. http://4thebest4e.tripod.com/id15.html
2. http://www.eyewitnesstohistory.com/slaveship.htm
3.http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/USASships.htm
4. The Interesting Narrative Of Life of Olaudah Equiano -By Olaudah Equiano
It feels like you took a speech approach to this assignment. I appreciate your extended comparison of the two different situations. It's so practical and accessible. Make sure that the facts you use are accurate. For example, I believe some slave ship voyages lasted much longer than 2-3 weeks--what was the source for that, by the way? Also, when we draw a direct comparison between two things, we usually put the idea more important to the topic or the main point second in the comparison. You would say, "While the Japanese chose to get on the train, the Africans were captured and forced."
ReplyDeleteYour specific example of the Brookes is great. It's always good to read about specific cases when they illustrate your point. In this case you introduced the specific example and then talked about your point afterward, which is more of a journalistic style of writing. The academic style would have you start with a topic sentence. Honestly, your paragraph is well written, but just be aware that you're using a style that is less academic overall. Sometimes you'll be required to think and write academically--which would mean you wouldn't use your opening comparison so extensively (because you don't necessarily need to spend time on Japan) and you would open with a topic sentence and illustrate it with your specific examples.
The last two paragraphs work well on their own. Perhaps some more detail would have been helpful. You might have switched the order, since we need to eat or drink before we go to the bathroom; order and structure is always something to think about. On that structure not, the ending of your piece is very abrupt, no conclusion or sense of ending. You stay very narrow instead of zooming out and reminding us what the big picture is.
Finally, according to your classmates, there was much more to the experience on a slave ship than what you have examined. A little more research would have gone a long way here.
You always have good ideas, strong comparisons or connected ideas. Your challenge will be learning to write in different styles appropriate to the task and structuring your writing so that it stays directly on topic and transitions smoothly. Nice job.
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